The Shoreham Legion is a strange assortment of men. Perhaps they join for adventure, perhaps to escape their pasts, perhaps to forget. They aren’t asked.

Their leader is Captain Brown, a compact, wiry man with piercing blue eyes. Tough but fair. A believer in cross country training, which is a church of one in the Legion.

Saturday’s assignment was one of the toughest. It was hell out there. The sun beat down unmercifully on Leigh’s unshaded pitch. No human could survive indefinitely in those conditions.

Using all his tactical acumen Captain Brown found cover for his men in the pavilion. But scouts had to be sent out and, opting for experience, Captain Brown chose his grizzled veterans: Corporal (Nobby) Styles and the company mechanic, known just as Raymondo. Donning a white coat, the captain himself set out to ensure fair play. He watched as the corporal was quickly picked off and replaced by one of the newest recruits of whom little was known, even the proper spelling of his name. Dhru (?) Contract-Killer was rumoured to have been an assassin working in the North London area. Whatever the truth, by the time Raymondo finally staggered back to the pavilion, after a courageous 24, C-K already had a good hit rate.

Next the languid, monocled Hauptmann Alex (rumoured to have been relieved of command elsewhere before joining the Legion) joined C-K in the fray and helped to add 123 before he became the third man to fall. By now C-K was advancing down the pitch to the bowlers and the fielders had taken cover in remote areas.

Almost unnoticed, Captain Brown had handed over the white coat after 20 overs standing in the sun.

Replacing Alex, the dashing Sergeant Wells strode out to the fray. C-K had by now amassed 105 runs. ‘105 run out’ opined one of the troops. But it was not to be, as C-K holed out before any serious running could take place. However, next in was another new recruit – the hapless Andrew Gohl – and normal service was resumed before he could face a ball. Trudging back to the pavilion he was passed by the Legion’s most decorated man, Lance Corporal Martin Bowden V&A, who shared in a last wicket stand that took Shoreham’s total to 240 for 5.

Despite earnest pleading from his men (‘No.no. It’s too much for one man’ etc.) Captain Brown had taken a second turn in the white coat in the sun. That this was not a good idea become clear when he started referring to the lady serving teas as ‘Your Majesty’. He also seemed convinced that the spectator in glasses was Fabio Capello and was determined to impress him. For his own good, the captain was gently steered to a position at deep long on, where he would come to no harm. But from the outfield came a distant cry of ‘On me ‘ed, son’ and the Leigh batsman obliged with a towering blow. Captain Brown, leaping like a salmon, met the ball with his head and flicked it into the goalmouth that only he could see, on the far side of the boundary. Fortunately the ball was not much damaged.

Meanwhile, Shoreham’s attack had been led by company medic, Brad Simms and Lance Corporal Bowden. Both were economical and both claimed a wicket, which increased the pressure that Leigh were already under, facing such a distant target. C-K relieved Brad and proved deadly with more than one weapon: taking 3 for 32 in his 9 overs.

At the other end, the luckless Andrew Gohl, struggled to find his line and length in his first return to action in many years. He was withdrawn after one over, and no doubt felt by the end of the match that he had had his full £8 worth of fun.

Company historian, Ageing Hack, was wheeled out to continue the containment exercise and took 1 for 39 in his 9 overs (though 2 for 33 would have been possible had Captain Brown elected to use his hands rather than his head). Private Beard, survivor of expeditions on many continents, patrolled the boundary to good effect and played his full part in helping to restrict the run rate.

Only Tom Hobbs (any relation?), batting at 7 and finishing on 66 not out, threatened to advance Leigh to anything near Shoreham’s total, but his charge was too late in the day and Leigh finished on 195 for 6.

More battle honours then, and the Leigh medal is, I believe, being struck as you read this.

- Wyn

Posted on Tuesday, 29th July, 2008 in 2nds Match Reports.