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Sat 30 August - 2nd XI v Flimwell II - ‘The Wrong Glasses’

Posted on 3rd September in 2008, 2nds Match Reports

‘Right boys’, said Captain Brown in the Shoreham dressing room before the match, ‘Flimwell are far too good to be in division 5. It’s our duty to make sure they get maximum points from the game today so that they go up to div. 4 and we don’t have to play them again until I’m in my bath-chair. I want to see loose bowling, cavalier batting and dodgy fielding. I don’t care how easy the catch is, make sure you drop it.’ I can safely say that we did not let him down.

Shoreham had assembled a fine team to face Flimwell at home on Saturday and certainly our strongest since Mr Contract-Killer played for us against Leigh. Things looked good after Captain Brown lost the toss and was asked to field since this would have been our choice had we won it. In our first match against Flimwell earlier in the season, we amassed 150 hard-fought runs in 40 overs which they picked off in 20 overs so we knew what we were up against. Flimwell’s opening batsman, M Gibb scored a fluent 75 runs (90% of them through extra-cover, a gap which we had cunningly left open to help him on his way) before being run out by his batting partner, E Cameron, who went on to score 116 not out.

We had a few decent LBW shouts rejected (to be expected really) and a sharp chance to square leg off Gibb went to ground, but this was only the rehearsal for Mr Danny Prince’s non-dismissal. Danny is a polite teenager, known throughout Kent for his quiet demeanour and stiff upper lip when given out plum LBW. He is also a fairly dangerous batsman with a penchant for hitting sixes onto the golf course. To set the scene, Shoreham had just got M Gibb out after Ray did a dainty bit of delegation and jumped out of the way to leave Hofmann to throw in to Martin who made a confident run out. Suddenly we were back in the match and a quick wicket here would really put the cat amongst the pigeons. Danny took a massive heave at a shortish ball and the ball skied towards the vacant short leg position. ‘Mine’ shouted Martin, skeetering towards the square-leg umpire. Time stood still. The ball looped gently up in the air, the gloves clapped together and the ball popped out and landed at Martin’s feet. Danny had already reached the pavilion, thrown his bat at the kettle and sworn at Pater before his team-mates shouted at him to go back. Clearly the RTFA is going to be a hotly contested affair this year.

The rest of the Flimwell innings went by in a blur of lost balls, hawthorn scratches, bowling changes (8 bowlers had the chance to be put to the sword during the match), bad language (all by Flimwell players directed at Flimwell players) and they ended with a rather daunting total of 263 from 40 overs. Pick of the bowlers was Montie with 2 for 24 off his 6 overs. Still, the Peck tea was waiting to salve bruised hands and egos – cucumber sandwich anyone?

The Flimwell bowling attack was not quite as fearsome as earlier in the season but they were economical and accurate. Nick Walker Senior failed to gorge himself on the juicy bowling that characterises most 5th division bowling and Montie top-scored with 24 runs, thus completing an unusual double for the Preston Farmer. Shoreham scored a rather disappointing 111 (Nelson) runs and the match was over by 6pm, so we headed for the pub where we waited and waited and waited for the Invincibles to return from Kemsing.

And the wrong glasses? Linda had been dispatched to the car to find Martin’s proper cricketing glasses in the previous over.

- Alex

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