There are essentially two ways of responding to the kind of weather conditions that prevailed on Saturday: there is the going down the pub, sitting there talking about how you wish you were playing, and racking up your five points way (which we’ll call the First Eleven Method), and then there’s the gritty, British, ‘Well we’re all here so we’d better make the best of it’ approach – and that’s the Second Eleven way. And we do it with style. It was really impressive how many of the eleven had brought their own spectacle and/or ball drying flannels to the game, and – if I’m not mistaken – one or two of them might actually have been monogrammed.

Having watched the rain for an hour, we took to the field in a light drizzle. Leigh raced away, with their infant prodigy, Kevin Watts, scoring a brisk 52. He took a particular liking to our own six-foot, infant prodigy, Alex Masson, who was temporarily withdrawn from the attack. The experience of Ray at one end and Nick Walker at the other then calmed things down, though Leigh continued to accumulate runs steadily, without loss. The key to breaking the opening partnership was the return of veteran (surely vetinary – ed) (I know what I mean – Hack) Graham Peck, who turned over his creaking shoulder and tempted the infant Kevin into a lofted drive. Down on the long-on boundary, an unconcerned Derek was wandering around in the gloom. Alerted to the approach of the small, round object, vaguely discernable against the grey sky, Derek made a remarkable catch, which was the highlight of a magnificent fielding display on his part. Naturally, he later injured himself and may not be seen again for a few weeks.

The next best fielding was probably that of Leigh’s square leg umpire. A sharp sweep, which he couldn’t see (because of a grounded Wyn, who was left clasping at thin air) caught him a painful blow on the shin, and so he saved a certain boundary.

Wyn was granted a marathon four over spell and, courtesy of a very sharp stumping by Martin, took the second wicket to fall. Several other close stumping appeals were denied – as they were at the other end.

Entering the final overs the pressure was on, and it was about now that Ray lost his ring. 

Alex Masson was reintroduced to the attack and his pace beat two of Leigh’s senior batsmen, who each saw their off-stump removed. Alex Haysler’s two overs from the other end were less productive, for Shoreham at least.

Leigh finished with a very respectable 30-over total of 186, setting us a target of just above 6 an over, but -with a top four of Mick Johnson, Ray, Nick Walker and Martin – we felt that this might not be beyond us. Unfortunately it was one of those afternoons when a catalogue of accidents and close things all went against us. Ray thought too late about having the sight screen adjusted when the bowler switched from over to round the wicket, Mick was caught on the very boundary off a no-ball that wasn’t called, and Nick feathered a ball into the keeper’s gloves.

Martin kept the flame burning, supported by a battling 10 from Hopalong Derek, a brief 2 from Alex Masson, and a stylish 11 from the ever-improving Alex Haysler. With a jug looking a nailed-on certainty, Martin steered an innocuous ball onto his stumps ‘by accident’, thereby saving himself a tenner and all but ending any faint hopes that we had of winning. The next objective was therefore to get at least one batting point. Wyn joined Chris when the score was on 102 and the better part of eight overs still remaining. They immediately developed an almost telepathic understanding, taking every run on offer with calls such as ‘I don’t know what you’re doing up here mate. You should be down the other end’. A lively partnership was broken in the penultimate over, with Chris swinging over a straight one. Graham joined Wyn and this pair were there at the end, with the score on 145.

Instead of the traditional march to the pavilion, both sides then formed a search line and combed the ground for Ray’s ring, which was restored to him.

In order to teach young Kevin and his Dad a lesson, we locked them in the pavilion when we set off for the George. There, the beer and the wine led some senior members of the squad into the kind of excess that we can only hope the Shoreham Gazette does not have photographs of.

An apology

Because your correspondent was away, there was no report of the Second’s game against Outwood. In that match, goaded by the lack of column inches devoted to his battling duck the previous week, Nick Pearce played a sparkling innings. But I wasn’t going to say much about that either in the hope that he would be spurred to even greater heights on his next appearance.

- Wyn

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

The second team’s first outing of the season was to Luddesdowne CC, who are new members of the League this season: a cause for celebration all round. The weather however declined to join the party and we were huddled round warm mugs of tea before the game. Had it not been Luddesdowne’s first match would we have gone out there? Probably not. Staying in the clubhouse would have been a far, far better thing to do.

As it was, Shoreham took the field in light drizzle and freezing cold for a 30 over game. Andre bowled seven consecutive overs, finishing with 7 – 0 – 35 – 1. At the other end, Wyn opened and did not concede a run from his first over. Under previous management, he was only ever asked to bowl one over in a game, and so he was quite confused to be asked to carry on. He lasted only two further, rather expensive overs before being withdrawn from the ‘attack’. Wintergreen (surely ‘evergreen’ – ed) Ray Trick replaced Wyn and bowled seven economical overs, finishing 7 – 0 – 26 – 0. Father and no-relation team of Nick and Miles Walker undertook the rest of the overs. Nick took two wickets, but, on the evidence, Miles was the pick of the bowling – taking three scalps in his 6 over spell. One of the wickets was a lofted caught and bowled. We were a little concerned that the excitement as he watched the ball looping up and then down into his waiting hands would prove all to much for Miles, but he claimed the catch with a final, climactic scream of delight.

Out on the steppes, the rest of the team took what shelter they could and tried to keep their core body temperatures above freezing. Special mention should be made of Derek Richardson, who last played in his comeback game in August 2009. I reported that after that game he was last seen being gently manoeuvred into a car for the homeward journey having kept wicket heroically to some demanding bowling – particularly from Jamie Bromfield and James Asplin. This was his first game since, and in the first over he damaged his leg making a fine stop out on the boundary. When will we see him again?

Chasing 158, Shoreham became bogged down in the cold and the damp. A total that should have been within our compass gradually became less achievable. Notable contributions came from Ray (34), Nick Walker (28), and Derek (18). Otherwise, the only notes taken would have been to add Nick Pearce and Wyn to the early contenders for the Duck Cup.

So Luddesdowne won their first fixture, and we were part of that.

Saturday was also Nick Walker’s first game as captain, taking over from the inimitable Chris Brown. Chris was captain of the infant second eleven and nurtured it as it took its first steps. He was a selfless captain and took his responsibilities very seriously, trying to balance the needs of individuals and of the team in everyone’s best interests. He has been a good father and now, like any wise parent, he is giving his child its freedom. Unfortunately though, he is turning up to dance at its parties.

Wyn

This is the month of summer holidays and of summer visitors: if you book early you get away, and if you don’t you find other people take their holidays with you. Much of Shoreham has been engaged in this way in the past few weeks, which has resulted in some rare and exotic sightings on the field of play, as captains pursued old acquaintances, or just accosted people in the street, as they tried to get a full side out. As we arrived at Plaxtol on the 8th an aggrieved spectator shouted at one of our team ‘Here! I’ve been done. I put in for a wreath for you!’

8th August – 2nd XI v Plaxtol

Plaxtol’s is a small ground – about the same width as the excavations for the gas pipeline that presently skirt their boundary fence – so high scoring can be expected. James Asplin, who opened at one end, began his run up by pushing off from the sight screen. At the other end James Blomfield was an intimidating sight as he rushed downhill. Despite the pace and aggression of James A and James B, the restored skills of Richard Bredon, the ageless wiles of Dangerman (aka Ray Trick) and the accuracy of Andre, the home side scored steadily. The longest interval without scoring was when Andre tried to give his surname to the scorers. The record shows that James A took 2 for 74, James B 1 for 52, Richard 2 for 52, Ray 2 for 47 from 5 overs, and Trampoline 2 for 47 off 8.

A single bowling point was to be our only reward for the day. Our own innings crumbled. The only notable resistance came from Dangerman, who was captain for the day, and whose 45 accounted for more than half the runs to come from a Shoreham bat. Andre kept the captain company for a long time, in a stand of 47, and his innings was described as possibly the best duck ever made by a Shoreham batsman.

Special mention should be made of Graham Clark, who dusted off his old school kit to make a comeback for the day, and of Darren Richardson who, despite an interval of years since his previous game, kept wicket splendidly, particularly to the two Jameses, who tested his full repertoire of diving takes on both sides of the wicket. Darren was showing signs of seizing up by the time he was manoeuvred into the car for the homeward journey. Word has not reached us as to whether he was successfully extricated at the other end and he hasn’t been sighted since. Get well soon Darren, and we hope we’ll see more of you as soon as you have regained full mobility.

15th August – 2nd XI v St. Lawrence

Despite there being no first team fixture that day only eleven players were available, including Steve who was given a warm welcome by all his old friends at St. Lawrence.

Will Stanyard donned the marigolds, which were being passed around like a case of swine flu, and he too put in a great performance.

The opening 18 overs really determined the course of the game as Nigel and Steve were bowled through: Nigel taking 3 for 23 and Steve 1 for 22. With most of their main batsmen removed early on, St. Lawrence were unable to pick up the pace in the second half of their innings, Richard Smith’s 43 being the only notable score in their 141.

Of the other bowlers used Richard finished with 2 for 33, Sam and Jack each contributed a cameo role and ended with a very economical 1 for 2, whilst Papillon took 1 for 34 in 9 overs.

St. Lawrence’s opening bowlers were difficult to get away and after 13 overs the score stood at 26 for 1, but the depth of our batting talent was shown by the fact that Steve was pencilled in at nine. Will coming in at four picked up the tempo, particularly after the first change of bowling, and Paul and Nigel (who top scored with 45) accelerated us through the winning tape with 12 overs to spare.

22nd August – 2nd XI v Withyham

8 man Withyham were asked to field by Captain Brown, and Montie and Alex were sent out to open. Both players, deliberately or not, took quite a lot of liberties with the field – many aerial shots landing in the gaps where there might have been a fielder under other circumstances. There was also the entertaining spectacle of Withyham’s lively opening bowler bouncing Alex. By standing on tiptoe and swatting Alex managed to tip the ball over the keeper’s head. Alex did eventually manage to locate a fielder with a lofted shot and then Sam joined Montie, and they carried things along to drinks, when the score was 92 – 1 and Withyham were up to 9 fielders.

After the break, scoring accelerated. Sam fell just short of 50, Montie carried on to get 76, Rupert and Jack made lively contributions, and eventually everyone got to bat, although Captain Brown didn’t face a ball as the Ageing Hack perished at the other end in the middle of the last over with the total at 248.

After tea, 10 man Withyham proved a far tougher proposition than they had been earlier in the season. Fresh wells of talent had been tapped and from the start they scored at the required rate of 6 an over. As soon as one or two wickets were taken and we felt in the driving seat another batsman would take up the battle and push the score along.

You know that popular computer game, the Sims, where you can create your own characters and then send them into real life situations? Well someone invented an improbable, one-legged bowler called Brad and sent him into our game. Amazingly, he managed three wickets in his nine over spell, whilst at the other end James B bowled tidily and took just one scalp. Next up were Rupert and Jackson who both bowled very well. Rupert is unrecognisably stronger and faster than two seasons ago, when your correspondent last played alongside him, and troubled each batsman. Jackson had a great day. Having failed to take notes from the book, I have to rely on memory to say that Jackson took three important wickets and Rupert two, but that may not be exact.

After young Rupert exhausted his permitted overs, James Martin (or is it Martin James?), who had made a good contribution in the field, was called up for one over. At this point, Wythyham’s number 10 batsman was proving himself to be a mean striker of the ball. If their last pair remained together for the last eight overs, scoring at the same rate, then the result would be very close. JM (or MJ) didn’t produce the answer in his first over and so Sam was called upon, and he produced the final wicket. In the end, the win looked comfortable, but right up until the last it had not seemed that way.

Finally, in this review of the last three weeks, I’m sure that you would all like to join with me in offering sincere commiserations to Mark (and any other Australians who are reading this) for losing such a well fought test series. No really.

See you Saturday Mark. We’ll help you forget the pain.

Ahahahahahahahaha!

Wyn

After last week’s monumental loss to Cudham Wyse, the Shoreham 2nd team were eager to get back to their winning ways at Halstead. Lucky tosser Brown got us off to a good start, and made the simple decision to have a bowl on this overcast day.

Ed, in his inaugural match for the 2nds, had the privilege of choosing which end he wanted to bowl from for once, and reasoned that Jasplin would prefer bowling uphill anyway. After bowling a couple of shocking wides, Ed then bowled a beauty to get Halstead’s opener caught behind by Will Stanyard. Tight bowling by James at the other end was rewarded by the wicket of Halstead’s other opener. Shoreham had made an imposing start, and at one stage had Halstead on 41-4.

JD took over from Ed at the top end, and bowled well off his reduced run-up. He eventually got the important wicket of Halstead’s no.4, who was on 60 at the time, thanks to a nimble stumping by Will. Nick Walker kept up the pressure, after replacing James, and picked up a wicket towards the end of his spell. Ray also chipped in with 4 tidy overs, and earned himself a wicket too. It was the returning Ed who got the wicket of Halstead’s other dangerous batsmen, who was on 70, and he ended up with what could well be his career best figures of 9-19-4. I might retire now.

Halstead reached 190, 28 of which were extras. Shoreham fielded very professionally throughout the game – of the 9 wickets we got, 5 were catches, 1 a stumping, and 1 even a full-blooded run-out. Other points to note are: apart from a tired final over, Jasplin bowled extremely well; and our only other bowler was Jackson (although the scorecard has mistaken him for his brother – not that I think he’ll mind) who threw in the odd pie across his 3 over spell. Juicy.

Confident that our batsmen could knock off the runs, most of the Shoreham team huddled around the radio inside the pavilion to listen to the Ashes. Meanwhile, out in the middle, our trusty opening pair of Ray and John launched into the Halstead bowling. 32 overs later the same pair were still at the crease (although one looked like he was about to keel over) and hit the winning runs to complete a whopping partnership of 194! Ray was 67no and John 80no (yes their were a lot of extras).

This historic feat was celebrated at the pub long into the night. And the Boakes Meadow Massive continued the drinking back at their HQ until Rupert fell over one too many times, and Jasplin fell asleep on a black marker. Yay.

- Ed

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This was the second team’s second heavy defeat in a row, following our three game winning streak.
Once again, a poor bowling performance proved expensive. Put in to bat, Cudham amassed 296, with Dave Rippingdale carrying his bat through the innings and ending on 106. Tom Carter, batting at four, scored 91. The only bowlers, of the eight used, who might want their figures mentioned are Graham – who bowled a good line and length and was rewarded with all three of the wickets to be taken (8 – 2 – 32 – 0), and Brad (9 – 0 – 46 – 0), who was very economical in the context of the game.

By the time tea was finished the afternoon was getting cooler and darker, which reflected our mood as wickets fell regularly for no compelling reason. John top scored with 15 and Paul, playing his mid-order anchor role, was left high and dry on 13 at the end. No-one else, except extras, achieved double figures as we subsided for 68 in 23.5 overs.

This didn’t seem remotely amusing, so I’ll save the humour for the tour report.

- Wyn

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Well, first a resume of the highlights of the game from our perspective:

Right, that’s over.

Look, I’m not going to dwell on this because firstly it was pretty painful and secondly I’ve got my packing to do. (Isle of Wight here we come!)

Captain Brown won the toss and elected to bat, mainly because our bowling attack had been even further depleted because Gary, Andre, Brad, Nigel and Russell all had other things to do. Not to mention Alex who? Do these chaps think that life is all about making money and babies? All right, Nigel had half an excuse because he was playing for the firsts and Russ might have found the travelling a bit of a pain, but come on boys!

If we had scored 250 we might have been in with a chance, but a classy opening attack soon had us reeling. All our early wickets fell cheaply – even that of someone referred to in Limpsfield Chart’s match report as ‘Danger Man’ Ray Trick. The only stability in our innings came when Paul went in at his, now customary, number five, and, having seen off the opening bowlers, began to accumulate runs in his familiar fashion. Danny Herridge, Richard Breden (yes this is a 2009 match report) and Captain Brown each chipped in with a few. Paul was eighth out. Next, AH’s cameo was reminiscent of Mark Ramprakash, in Strictly. At the end, Chris and Pat were at the crease as we limped over 100 – just.

Tea was pretty good and the renovations in the clubhouse were good to admire, but all too soon we had to go out again.

Our fearsome attack was opened by Richard at one end and Danger Walrus at the other. It took about an over for Richard’s body to remember what it had to do in these circumstances, after which he bowled tidily. Neither bowler really worried Limpsfield Chart’s openers and so Captain Brown summoned his strike bowler once again, with the words ‘We only need 10 wickets and you’ve got 50 runs to play with’. Despite his usual tactic of lulling the batsmen into accepting easy runs from his first few balls, AH failed to lure either batsman into subsequent errors. Meanwhile, Jack took over at the other end (‘We only need ten wickets and you’ve got 40 to play with’) and he induced both batsmen to drive him, successfully.

Captain Brown’s final throw of the dice was to bring on Captain Pat. (‘We only need ten wickets, and you’ve got three runs to play with.’) It was an eventful over. First, a near dismissal from a lobbed pull. Then a ball that looked as though it was headed for the boundary pulled up short: four became three and then one, as we realised that only one batsman had carried on running after the initial single. We’d thought it was all over, and a ball later it was.

After the triumphs of the last three weeks this was a sad day, but there was no doubt that it was the better team that won.

- Wyn

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There are not many jokes about numbers. There’s the one about there being three kinds of mathematician: those who can add up and those who can’t. Then there’s the one about Leigh, damned Leigh and statistics, but I can’t remember how that goes. Anyway, after last year’s confusion, when both sides were scoring our innings, we reverted to the traditional method for this fixture (we get it wrong and they don’t notice).

Two weeks ago we beat St. Lawrence in 20 overs, last week we defeated Withyham in 19, so this week we were hoping to progress to victory in 18 overs – but it was not to be. We required the full 40 overs to register a 41 run win against a team that felt the loss of some of their regular players. That said, our entire bowling attack from last week (Russell Smith, Nigel Jeffery, Gary Hukin, and Andre Pumpernickel), was unavailable to us, so it’s a reflection of our relative strength as a club at present that we could still field a winning team.

As we arrived at the ground there was huge excitement as Jon Beard handed out new kit to the fashionistas amongst us. AH in particular was looking fine in his new cap and shirt. There was some debate about what the large ‘C’ on the scribe’s sleeve stood for, but of course it was Correspondent.
We won the toss and elected to sit in the shade, sending Ray and Nick out to the middle. Nick (victorious captain of the Boakes Meadow Massive) accidentally picked up his holograph’s bat, which failed to stop a straight one, so Montie was soon called for (his head showing only a few dents from last week’s collisions with Withyham’s hanging baskets). Ray allowed himself to be bowled for 10 when it became obvious that Montie was all for quick singles, despite the heat. Next in was our chairman, probably the next fastest man to Montie between the wickets, and there followed some sprinting around, which was simply too exhausting to watch. When Montie was out for 19 we were three down for not very many, although the scoring rate had begun to pick up.

Paul, in his new role of mid-innings anchor, now joined Martin and there was a more measured accumulation of runs until Martin was given lbw by Montie, to a ball that – according to their separate opinions – was going to hit middle and off or was in danger of being a leg side wide. (Montie denies reports that he has replied to Otford’s advert for an umpire). Martin however behaved very correctly and kept the marigolds on as he trudged back to the pavilion.
AH joined Paul in adding another 20 odd before he was bowled, and then Graham – making his latest comeback from injury – took full advantage of some generous bowling. His rapid 25 included two gloriously timed sixes.

Jack contributed just 8 and Nick Pearce 8 less than that, as the Boakes Meadow Massive continued to suffer a communal reaction to last Sunday’s gala triumph. At the end Paul was undefeated on 53 (following on from his 50 not out against Withyham) and Chris was unbeaten on 9. Extras were second only to Paul in contributing to our final 215 for 8.

Linda laid on another, stylish Shoreham tea and it was with reluctance that we left the pavilion to take the field.

Brad and Jack commenced the bowling but Leigh scored quite briskly and without loss. Nick replaced Jack and bowled 8 economical overs. Brad removed one of Leigh’s openers for 14 but the scoring rate was still around 5 an over, so we had a good competition on our hands.

Ray replaced Brad after a six over spell and induced Leigh’s other opener to steer a ball into Paul’s waiting hands at deep gully. Still Leigh’s scoring rate was maintained, but there came a turning point when Nick removed Leigh’s number three for 33 and in the next over Ray bowled their number 4 for a duck.

Now Leigh only had one potential match winner left, the dangerous Martin Parfitt. Other bowlers having failed to remove him, Captian Brown summoned his strike bowler from the deep position where he had been fielding (because he looked too good in his new cap and shirt to stand close to the rest of the field).

AH employed his traditional tactic of lulling the batsman into a false sense of security. 6-4-4 was followed by one dot ball, then another that spun sharply and lifted through the gate, just clearing middle stump. The final ball of the over induced a false stroke that skied to Brad at deep mid on and, as Leigh’s umpire observed, the game was as good as won. AH generously allowed Brad to take all the praise for the dismissal, and now that he had found his line and length he was once more consigned to the deep.

Quite frankly, anyone could have bowled then, and several did. The only danger at this point was that the gathering storm would break before we could get through our overs. Leigh sportingly declined one (unnecessary) invitation to leave the field, and we wrapped up our third win in a row.

In the post match glow, Graham relected that he should perhaps retire after a game in which a) he scored runs, b) he took wickets [3 - 25] and c) he didn’t break anything. Nick Pearce was showing anyone who would look the bruises that he collected in his three vain attempts to take a catch, and Paul was poring over a calculator trying to work out his rapidly improving average.
Next week, the gentlemen of Lympsfield Chart.

Wyn

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