It was a fresh looking Shoreham that took to the field and the usual rigorous warm-ups had the opposition quaking in their boots. Pat was so stunned to win the toss that he forgot to delegate the job of lowering the sightscreen and so he had to do it himself.

The bowling was opened by the Shoreham pace attack of Steve and Jamie Bromfield who each bowled very economically and Steve’s blistering pace proved too much for Mason who snicked one into Richard’s waiting gloves. Jamie struck in the next over to dismiss MacDonald for a duck with a well placed yorker. Steve was replaced by new recruit Will Smith who we poached from last week’s opponents Knockers. He immediately riled the men in bat with some brilliant pace and was well assisted by Nigel at the Car Park End. After each taking a well deserved wicket, they were replaced by Dan Setterfield and Howard Atkinson who joined Will as a debutant. Danny got his fifth wicket in five games and Howard bamboozled the batsmen with some crafty off-breaks which were rewarded with a wicket. Sam and George gave us a total to chase before Steve returned to bowled an excellent final over which included 2 wickets to clear up the tail end.

A special mention should go to the fielding of Shoreham which was reminiscent of Jonty in places and Monty in others. George seemed to have holes in his hands but Jamie made up for this with some excellent stops and two superb catches one of which included a full length dive at square leg including a celebration in mid-air. Dan took a solid catch at mid wicket as did Howard on the boundary. Nigel took advantage of a mix-up to claim a wonderful run out while the batsmen had a polite conversation over who was to blame and Patrick took two catches which included a wonder catch at short leg to bring up the ten wickets.

After a successful Setterfield tea, Styles and Jeffrey wandered to the crease and opened up steadily against very tight bowling. The opening partnership of 63 was broken when Nigel fell on 25 and was followed by Nash (13) and Sam (12) whilst Paul (45) steadily built up the runs. The wicket of Sam brought Jamie Bromfield to the middle and he began steadily with a single before hitting 8 consecutive fours. After this quick flurry, the win seemed imminent as Steve (31no) came to join Jamie in the festivities. Unfortunately, Jamie did fall after a well earned 39 which left Smith to finish the innings with 1no. To add to the glory, England had also managed to hold on for an unlikely draw in Cardiff!

- George

Many great ideas are born with a chance happening, a mistake from others or a stroke of inspiration; William Webb Ellis picking up a football in the creation of Rugby as one example. But no one could conceive the brilliance of what was to follow on Sunday, the 21st of June 2009 at a small cricket ground in Shoreham…

A cancelled match against Wrotham meant that an abundance of players were left and the idea was born. 3 teams – the Sundays, led by Pat Barrett, the Exiles, and Boakes Meadow Massive. The first game of a three match tournament was to be played by the Sundays and the Exiles, which gave BM the chance to exercise their various pre-match warm ups. The Sundays were put into bat, and immediately made their mark on the tournament, with both Steve and James Trick reaching 25 in retirement. This left the remaining two Tricks at the crease with Asplin to bowl…

Cut to Sam walking back after being given lbw first ball off Jasplin, amidst bursts of rapturous laughter from the viewing gallery. The other notable contributions came from Ray (21), Brad Sims (15*) and Richard Nash (7*) to get the Sundays up to a competitive total of 98-2 from 10 overs.

The Exiles went out to bat and decided to make the difficult situation almost impossible, stumbling to 8 for 3 before the ship was righted again by Sean (27 ret) and Montie (22*). Despite this, the Exiles ended up 8 runs short, which ended a very enthralling opening game, and also meant that Ed and co had to get up.

Sundays – 98 for 2

S Arikosamy (27 ret)
J Trick (25 ret)
R Trick (21)

J Asplin (1-7)
W M Jones (1-22)
R Marsden (0-7)

Exiles – 91 for 6

S Bromfield (27 ret)
A Montie (22*)
Kavi (8)

K Senthil (1-4)
B Sims (1-9)
P Barrett (1-10)

Sundays won by 7 runs

The Exiles went out to bat again and made a better fist of it, with JD (15), Kavi (12) and Mark Doughty (18*) scoring well and Jasplin retiring scared. However, some tight bowling from Ed (2-0-10-1), Nick (1-0-5-0) and George (1-0-3-1) meant that Boakes Meadow restricted the Exiles to 81 for 4. A tea from Dea followed, before the team by the stream headed out to chase town the runs.

The two youngest Boakes Meadow members Oliver and Dexter Haysler started things off well and Rupert continued the good work (28 ret) before Jack (15) and Greg (20), with the famous yet infamous sweep got Boakes Meadow within touching distance of the total. Ed and George then finished the innings off with two balls to spare, handing Boakes Meadow their first win of the tournament. Some good bowling from the Dinnis duo and wickets for Sean Bromfield and Wyn should also be noted.

Exiles – 81 for 4

M Doughty (18*)
J Dinnis (15)
Kavi (12)

G Rivett (1-3)
E Walker (1-10)
R Harris (1-21)

Boakes Meadow – 82 for 3

R Harris (28 ret)
G Taylor (20)
J Rivett (15)

W M Jones (2-27)
S Bromfield (1-13)
G Dinnis (0-3)

Boakes Meadow won by 7 wickets

The final match would decide it then: who are the best team in Shoreham; would it be the Sunday side, led by Pat Barrett, or would it be the Boakes Meadow elite. Ed and George opened up, and who could have predicted what would follow…

Both Ed (26 ret) and George (27 ret) starred with the bat, with sixes for both batsmen, with George’s six off the bowling of James Trick! Nick (25) and Rupert (5*) then carried the innings through with good impetus, ending on 99 for 1, the best total scored in the tournament so far. With the BM massive on a definite high, it would be hard to chase the runs.

Ollie Haysler did the damage early on, with Ed taking a good catch in the deep to dismiss Nigel. The underdogs were on fire, stemming any runs with some tight bowling and fielding – with Ed and Greg picking up a wicket apiece to leave the Sunday side struggling on 30 for 3 from 5 overs. However, Steve hit a staggering 26 off 6 balls (mainly off the bowling of Greg) and got the Sunday team a scent of victory. However, tight overs from George and Ed meant that 24 was required off the last over to win. Under pressure, Rupert bowled exceptionally well and was on for a hat-trick, thus ending the Sunday side’s hopes of glory, with 4 runs coming off the last over, and only 16 runs off the last 3 overs.

Boakes Meadow – 99 for 1

G Rivett (27 ret)
E Walker (26 ret)
N Walker (25)

K Senthil (0-3)
S Arikosamy (0-8)
S Trick (0-12)

Sundays – 81 for 6

S Arikosamy (26 ret)
P Barrett (11)
J Trick (11*)

R Harris (2-8)
O Haysler (1-4)
N Walker (1-13)

Boakes Meadow won by 18 runs

A great performance by the underdog Boakes Meadow team, which left only one question to be asked… where does their water come from?

Alex Haysler

The victorious Boakes Meadow Massive

Shoreham 168 all out
Knockholt 159-9
Shoreham won by 9 runs

In only the second away fixture so far this season, the Sunday side headed for Knockholt, with some new faces against old rivals in a game which was epitomised by the ‘gate’ the home side had erected which appeared as somewhat a holy grail for the home side – a tradition which the majority of the Shoreham players failed to uphold. Jackson, in an effort of skill and agility, decided he would vault the ‘fence’. What a majestic effort!

The Captain lost the toss again and was put into bat on a dodgy pitch. The word dodgy here is probably an understatement – for the 6 balls opener Alex Haysler faced before being run out by Ray for a duck, the pitch was already throwing up bouncers and grasscutters – on virtually the same length! (We won’t delve too deep into the mystery of the run out).

After this, Ray and Steve, fresh from his 139 set about steadying the ship. This worked until Steve skied one and departed for a well fought 31. Raymundo departed soon after for 20 which left Sam and Nigel to build another partnership – this was broken in almost the same fashion, with Sam going for 27 and Nigel departing swiftly for 12. We had started well, but now needed what England have been missing in the past two weeks – a finisher. Step up Richard Nash. With a quick fire 25, including some good contributions from Jackson, Andre and new recruit Matt the travelling side posted a competitive total of 168.

A troop down to the changing rooms for the tea, to review the innings, to find out who was going to be Alex’s phone a friend from the jail cell on tour, and to see Jack eat all the cakes ensued, before Shoreham took to the field to defend their total.

The home side started well, until Steve got his first scalp, the opener caught brilliantly by the lurking Nigel at short cover. The other opener was then caught by Kumar off the bowling of Steve, before a brilliant bit of field positioning left Alex with a sharp and inspired catch at short leg for Steve’s third. Steve then caught off his own bowling to leave the home side stuttering at 63 for 4. However, a good partnership from Knockholt left the home side in a good position to win.

Shoreham were in dire need of a hero, with 168 looking a much smaller total with Knockholt at 121 for 4. Step up Sam Trick. Some crafty off spin dismissed their two in batsmen, with some sharp work from Richard to send home one of their batsmen who should have been out about an hour previous (caught off Jackson by Richard) which apparently ‘didn’t sound right’. Sam had made the victory a reality with figures of 7-0-23-3, with Steve coming back on to finish the job, ending with 11.5-3-30-6. Other notable bowling performances came from Andre (6-0-31-0), Raymundo (3-2-3-0), Matt (4-0-21-0) and Nigel (6-1-16-0).

Some confusion entailed at the climax, as no batsmen appeared when their ninth wicket fell. However, sources in the know informed us that they had, to the surprise of the players, only fielded 10 players. This left the Captain to lead his troops off to the pub for some liquid celebration.

N.B. George didn’t play due to his broken toe, so contributed by scoring and getting badly sunburnt.

- Alex Haysler

Sun 7 June – Jolly Rogers

It had been an inclement night but we had all slept heavily. The previous evening’s raid on Otford had been a total success and, despite devious tactics from our local rivals, our brave lads had carried off all the booty from their unlocked chest. The grog had therefore flowed late into the night. No matter. All we were expecting that fateful Sunday was a visit from some old friends – a decent bunch by all accounts.

However, no sooner had our visitors been sighted rounding the headland when they donned their devilish caps, stitched with the ‘Jolly Roger’. PIRATES!!!

The two skippers eyed each other warily as the doubloon was tossed – tails – Shoreham would open fire first.

Up stepped Jack, the flame-haired young buck who had made a good impression in the season’s opening battles. True to form he kept the enemy at bay, firing his ten racks of balls whilst incurring only thirty-three return strikes. Sam suffered fifty-two hits during his eleven racks, but his long, flowing, blond locks seemed to put the enemy off. Two of them were caught out trying to board and were swiftly put to the sword by Montie who had stepped up to replace the wounded Chris. Dan’s spell inflicted a fatal leg wound upon one young pirate and it was left to Kumar to deliver the last, wild salvo of the skirmish during which a freak ball hopped straight though the raiders’ top scoring Mason. But the pick of the Shoreham marksmen was surely Steve whose twelve racks, five of which were unanswered, claimed two dead enemy for a mere twenty-eight returned shots.

In the melee a rumour went round that a feast had been prepared by Linda Trick. And so a brief parlay was called and what a feast it was! It seemed churlish not to share our repast with our guests and surely a more convivial battle tea had never before been seen in those waters.

An inspection had shown 170 strikes on Shoreham’s hull but there were no holes beneath the waterline and Shoreham’s skipper remained hopeful of success. The real reason for his confidence, however, was his faith in his crew.

They may have looked respectable enough, but he knew many of his men were no strangers to piracy. It was said that Rob had a fearsome reputation in the Carribean, Ray and Sam were from a long line of west country wreckers and Richard, with his scars and shaven head, couldn’t look more like a pirate if he tried. Steve and Kumar? Well, we all know what the Indian Ocean’s like these days. The Captain himself was born in Wapping in dubious circumstances. He recalls, whilst a small child, straining for a glimpse of the gruesome demise of Captain Kidd at Executioner’s Dock and wondering why his mother was so upset.

And so it was with steely determination that the Captain ordered his men to draw their blades and attack the enemy. He thought about delivering his ‘Shoreham Expects’ speech again, but there was no need. The experienced Nick and Ray were first into the fray. Okay, so Nick’s no more like a pirate than Orlando Bloom, but I’m told he has a very large dressing-up box and he played the role with impeccable style before being felled. Ray’s trusty Sting struck 31 times before he was caught out which brought Rob and Richard to the fore. Despite a huge amount of promise, neither man had previously delivered on their true potential. This would be their day. Their cutlasses were mere blurs as they sliced, chopped and hacked at the opposition. Cheered on by his wife and young son, Rob smashed his way to his inaugural 50, whilst Richard dispatched 26 hapless victims, a personal best. The Captain led from the back as usual, but even he delivered 6 blows upon the deflated enemy.

And so, with nine of us repulsed, it was left to the deadly Steve to deliver the coup de gras. But what’s this? Despite huge swings he’s unable to connect with the enemy! A cry goes out from the quarter-deck: ‘Engage the Enemy More Closely.’ The injured Chris looks on in horror as it appears he may have to unsheathe his rusty weapon after all. A single huge blow from Steve’s mighty scimitar decapitates six of the enemy and the day is won.

There were no hard feelings after the battle and the former foes toasted each other’s future success- especially if it happened to be at the expense of Otford. ‘To the Victors the Spoils’ but not this time. The Jolly Rogers sailed away with the silver goblet, The Dosser’s Cup.

Chelsfield Park 221 for 3
Shoreham 221 for 4

MATCH TIED!

On the hottest day of the year so far, the now well established Sunday side took to the field in the hope that the winning trend could continue. Little did they know what would follow…I’ve been asked not to mention my own name more than five times, so here goes:

Put into bat on the basis of the home sides bowling, or rather lack of it (the side note here would be that Russell Brookes was the pick of the bowlers, with figures of 4-0-20-2). Once their batsmen had settled, it became difficult for the bowling attack to make any inroads, with the only other notable performances being Brad Sims (7-1-33-1) and George Rivett, who bowled tightly in his first spell, but has also put in a request not to have his figures revealed. A home debut to be noted also, as Oliver Haysler, who had figured for the Saturday 2nds a few weeks previously, filled in as part of PDS (Pat’s Development Squad) and cemented his place at fine leg.

This left Chelsfield making a declaration midway through a George Rivett over, which left Shoreham to mull over and reflect upon the innings with a 45 minute Kumar tea (Result!). Maybe this stirred the home side and the influential Captain, as the openers Raymundo and Alex Haysler to make a game of it.

The scoring started steadily, with boundaries coming from either end, before Ray (5) was deceived by the flight of Miles Walker, with the expected ‘I’ll never live this down’ ringing in everyone’s ears as Brad came to the crease. This led to a solid partnership, with some great shots, and a cheeky reverse sweep from Haysler causing Brad to wet himself with laughter. With the departure of Brad (21) The Edge came to the crease, and opened his shoulders, losing two balls and damaging the pavilion no end. This gave Pat the thoughts, nay the possibilities of going for the win. Whilst this was developing, a piece of history was made, with Alex reaching his first half century, eventually departing for 69. After Phil had been bowled for a rapid 76, Sam Trick and Bob Sims were left at the crease to attain the final runs needed for victory. With Sam blasting 2 sixes from the penultimate over, only 7 were needed from the final over. A four and then a single from Sam left Bob needing two off the last delivery. Baited breath, and…

They ran a leg bye, and the game was officially tied. After 80 overs, not a run could separate the two sides, which ended a brilliant game on a beautiful day. Captain Barrett’s side maintained the 100% unbeaten record, and Alex successfully jug dodged, to end an overall great day

N.B. 6.4-0-51-0 (sorry George)

Alex Haysler

Shoreham heroes thrash struggling Eynsford in the National Village Knockout. Next step: Lord’s!

Sorry, that was a lie, but I got you to open this Email, didn’t I? To bowdlerise Groucho Marx, any team which wants me to captain, open the batting and act as first change bowler is not a team which I (or anyone else I imagine) wish to join! The bald facts of the match are as follows: Shoreham won the toss and put Eynsford in to field. Eynsford scored 234 for 7/8? off 40 overs. Shoreham scored 62 all out. For the mathematically challenged amongst us, we scored 26.5% of Eynsford’s total. The rain fell slowly throughout the afternoon and the wind caused the sightscreen to crash over with an impressive clang after a couple of overs. When Eynsford said they needed to get the heavy roller out, we were hoping they meant to roll the distinctly green and mossy wicket but it was put to more practical use, being tethered to the sightscreen to act as ballast to stop it flying into the Darenth.

After 20 overs, Eynsford had scored 85 runs for the loss of 4 wickets (a brace each for Russell Smith and Jack Rivett), but then we ran out of bowlers. Ray, Sam, Tom and Alex all turned the arm over, but Eynsford’s middle order scored 150 runs in the next 20 overs and that, pretty much, was that. Alex was numerically top-bowler with 3 wickets but Jack was easily the pick of the bowlers- I’ve never seen a spinner bounce one over the batsman’s head before. Three Shoreham batsmen scored 11 runs (Russell, Ray and Jack) after mistakenly thinking that they had reached Nelson (111) and Sam top-scored on 14 n.o.

What is the collective noun for a trio of Tricks? Normally of course it would be a Triumph of Tricks (thanks for the lift there and back Ray), but yesterday’s Tricks were plagued by injury. Raymondo the Great had an injured groin (thanks for the visual demonstration of where it hurt, Ray), Sam had an injured thumb and James, our talismanic strike bowler and clutch batter bowled 8 balls before pulling a muscle in his side and finishing the over off a one stride run-up – hope it gets better before the weekend, James.

In summary, Shoreham were out-played, out-gunned and out of the Cup. Still, everyone wants to win the Premiership rather than the Carling Cup, so this was an experiment which, while character-building for the participants, is unlikely to be repeated.

Well done to Pat and the Senior Rivetts and to Mrs Hofmann Jr. for coming along to support the team, sorry we couldn’t provide more entertainment, but the London Pride hopefully provided some compensation.

- Alex

St Mary’s 218 – 5 dec.
Shoreham 100 – 9

Match Drawn

As Shoreham’s Sunday side moved merrily into May, Captain Barrett had remained undefeated, destroying records from previous leaders and already cementing his place in the pantheon of Shoreham Cricket Club. At 32 for 4 chasing 218 however, this unbeaten streak looked certain to be extinguished, when Alex Haysler, short in stature, and Andre Pampellone reached the crease. But more of that later…

Captain Barrett won the toss and elected to send his refreshed line up in to field, in the hope that domestic god Tom Palmer and new boy Andre could pick up the openers with a shiny new red cherry. Perhaps Domestic Tom’s arms were weakened from whisking his cake mix, as return figures of 7-0-74-0 did not reflect kindly on some decent bowling being punished by their openers, with Pampellone (11-0-48-1) recovering from his first few overs to pick up the wicket of their opener for 49. Haysler (8-1-42-1) then replaced Domestic Tom, with an inspirational change from Captain Barrett bringing the wicket of the other opener second ball. The new batsmen had their pitching wedges out and successfully managed to chip just over the head of Captain Barrett. He then brought Mr Styles (5-0-36-3) on to replace the economical Pampellone, with some deceiving flight frustrating the batsmen and culminating in 3 wickets for the veteran off spinner. Danny Setterfield, back from paternal duties, also bowled well at the foot of the innings (2-0-7-0), at which point the declaration was made on 218 for 5.

As the tea was still brewing, Messers Wells and Doughty were sent out to see the home side through till the refreshment break. However, the former staked his claim for the duck cup, a competition which is really hotting up, with a golden duck bringing Mr Styles to the crease. He with Mark started to build a solid partnership until they were rudely interrupted by the sound of a whistling kettle. Domestic Tom then came into his element, serving up a great tea to send the players out on. However, the break worked well for the visitors, Mr Styles going for a well worked 9. Mark continued on with new batsman Nick Pearce, playing some cracking strokes, before being dismissed for 20. Nick (2) soon followed, leaving Alex and Andre at the crease with the score at 32 for 4. It turns out that AA Batteries last for an hour and a half, as both Alex and Andre settled in at the crease playing the home side to within sight of a draw, with Andre finally being dismissed for 9 6 overs from the end, and Alex for a top score 25 4 overs from time. Wickets tumbled after this however, leaving everyone on edge for the final over, with the home side 9 wickets down and Domestic Tom and Captain Barrett at the crease. Some choice words in the ear of Domestic Tom from the Captain ensured the last few balls were seen out and the unbeaten streak remains.

Alex Haysler